I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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