We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
