If that was your dad, he is hot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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