It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
