Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
