then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize