Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
