At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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