I have demons in me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
