Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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