May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
