Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
