thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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