he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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