Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
