Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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