tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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