Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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