Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
