Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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