we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
