dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
