Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
