Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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