4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
