Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
