I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
