Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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