it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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