Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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