he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
