new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
