I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
