so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
