What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were destined to go to rehab together
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
