Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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