Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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