Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
