I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
