I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A+ Viking dick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
