you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize