it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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