I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I AM VODKA MAN
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
