the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
