you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
