My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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