as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
