That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
