Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
