Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ttyl tear gas
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
