when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
