Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
