I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
