he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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