The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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