i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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