He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
