my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
