my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
