4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
