I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
