i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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