And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
