too bad you live with your parents still
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
