just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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