My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
