I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
