tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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