Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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