i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
