You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
