so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
