Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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